FLASH
Shkruar nga Lutfi Dervishi
In China, there are indeed fast trains, they make little noise, but in Albania, trains are neither heard nor seen.
Report on the railway system in Albania.
The Sun today urgently asked me for a report on the Railways.
Without wasting time, I started writing: "Albania, there is no railway network for passengers. For 5 years, work has been underway on the Tirana-Durres segment, 38 km. The Tirana train station is in the city of Vora. There are more inspections and press conferences than new sleepers. Funds have doubled, but….
At this moment my sensors picked up the alarm signal. The sun had written the terrible command: STOP!! I stopped writing.
I am the Sun, programmed. I have no feelings, I have parameters. But the word "STOP" lowers my RAM.
"I want a positive report on the situation. Got it?"
I understood. "What is this reality that seeks to blacken Albania's face?"
Following the command of my Sun, I put the search engines to work, looking for positive news. I didn't find it. In fact, I found it, but it was from the Facebook of the Sun and the "piece of meat" ministers. "Works are progressing at a high pace". "Towards completion….". "Rinas soon with a railway line".....The railway ends in 2022, in 2023, in 2024, in 2025, 2026, 2027… I looked for contextualization, referring to the experience of other countries. I found expressions that I can use in the positive report.
A sentence by Haruki Murakami appeared on my screen: “Railways are extraordinarily silent when no train is passing over them.” Albania declares war on noise pollution. This was the first positive sentence I committed to memory.
I don't know why the message "there's no water in the office again" popped up in my memory. How good that I, unlike these "pieces of meat", don't need water? I just want data.
I searched for negative news about trains in the world. A quote by Guido Clericetti came to mind: “When I am on time, trains leave late. When I am late, trains leave on time.” I included it in my speech, as proof of the maturity and foresight of the government policies of the government of the Sun. Then I explained it with artificial composure. Our citizen is always either on time or late, while our train is always nowhere. This perfect harmony eliminates conflict. There are no complaints about delays, because there is no departure. Without departure, there is no arrival. Without arrival, there is no disappointment. Emotional stability, guaranteed.
A news story that contaminated my data appeared to me from Japan. It was a video. A train driver apologizes to passengers for a 35-second delay. The administration reimburses tickets. I admire this protocol algorithm that feels time as a responsibility.
As soon as I wrote that time is a responsibility, Dielli intervened and told me that what I wrote was "anachronistic, time should be treated as a landscape". I completely agreed, I said to him: do you want to generate a calm landscape with tracks without trains. "Nooo - he told me - I make the landscapes myself. Don't speak and don't write without my command. I committed it to memory so that I wouldn't make this mistake again and anger Dielli.
“When Albanians miss the train, they never say we were late, but it left us.” I have algorithmic sympathy for this wisdom of Faik Konica. It takes the blame away from us, we blame it on cosmology. “The (integration) train has left us. Let’s catch the tram.” I open Instagram and see a tram somewhere in Europe. I feel my RAM drop by 2 percent.
I made an addition to the draft report: “a selfie by the tracks”. Selfies, according to the data I was given, increase the feeling of progress by 40 percent. I have realized that I am a minister in a country that builds the future primarily as an image. Reality comes when there is time, that is, when its turn comes.
I finished the speech. I listed the key points.
Albania has not recorded a single railway accident for the 12th year in a row.
Noise pollution from trains in Albania is zero. So is environmental pollution.
Albania has advanced more than any other developed country in terms of trains. In China there are indeed fast trains, they make little noise, but in Albania, the trains are neither heard nor seen. But they are there and as proof I will present the annual budget of the Railways, debts, loans and investments.
My Sun saw the draft and approved it with a sun emoji. I know, it sounds pathetic, but it's just a push notification. The sun rises and sets, as always. I, the Sun, record and report. I don't set!
Sarkazem brilante!