You don't know what war is, Gash!

- The KLA was the Albanian people of Kosovo themselves. Therefore, denying the KLA denies the people.

1998.

In bus.

Returning from the editorial work (I kept the writings on my chest), to the apartment in the north of Mitrovica.

- Silence on the bus full of Albanians.

Looking at the smoke coming out of a village and hearing the crackling of guns, a grumpy old Croatian, I'll never forget, told us:

- You don't know what war is!

We were silent.

- I thought I knew what war is.

My definition of war was Freedom.

Direct Freedom.

It still is.

Life without Liri had no future.

They threw tear gas in our cages, we grew up under curfew, always being chased and in fear...

Let it end once and for all!

- And especially the humiliation that slavery brings, the daily humiliation... that death, that you die, you die once and you don't get used to it.

- Therefore, I loved Freedom more than life. Not Freedom for Freedom of movement but Freedom for dignity, Freedom to be, Freedom as a reminder from the books and from the inherited sufferings of our ancestors, Freedom for a certain pride, which even today I see the struggle.

- Normal, I imagined myself alive after the war!

Like all the others who have been killed.

There is no one who does not hope and who does not want to come out of the war alive, not even the Hero.

- That, I survived physically, but somehow, in 1999 I was killed.

- I remembered that the war will be done quickly, in two weeks.

As naive as you want.

But, naivety and desire to become big has saved me from wrinkles.

- So, my hope grew in war, lost in peace.

- KLA did not choose the war.

Gosh.

The war was not the choice of the KLA.

Serbia chose the war.

- The KLA happened to them before the committed act of war and tried to defend themselves, because there was no other choice.

Even if we wanted peace, which Rugova wanted a lot, the enemy did not ask us, because Arnik wanted war and it was done as the enemy wanted. The war happened.

- The story of the KLA is so simple.

You ask the KLA:

- 'Why did you allow Albanians to be massacred?'

- 'Why did you allow women to be raped?'

- You don't ask Serbia why it killed children and raped Albanian women?

- That if the KLA could protect them - it would protect everyone... it protected what it could.

And he gave his life to protect the Albanians.

- The world, like today, which sees children killed and massacred in Gaza and Ukraine, was not late like us.

- KLA was an ally of NATO!

Then, it took NATO a while to end the terrible war of the Serbian state against the Albanian people of Kosovo.

- So, NATO barely stopped the attack on Serbia, let alone the KLA!

- Nëse do ta kishe parë me sytë e t'u, si unë, se si ushtarët e varfër e të uritur të UÇK-së mundoheshin t'i tërhiqnin trupat e djemëve të vrarë nga policia serbe, për t'i varrosur...do të qaje për dramën e përgjakshme, e s'do t'i gjykoje.

- Se mashkull je edhe vet, pse ti s'ke luftuar?

Sepse e ke ditur se e humb luftën me Serbinë.

Pra, më përpara ke pranuar të jesh i robëruar se sa i vdekur dhe i lirë.

Apo çka?

- Se s'ka tjetër logjikë.

Por, kjo është logjikë robi.

Je dogmat, pra.

Sepse, dikush nuk ka mendime të keqija për vdekjen, dikush si Sokrati mendon se vdekja është bekim...

- Në krahasim me robërinë e përditshme, vdekja është shpëtim.

- Jugosllavinë, nëse aty e ke dhimbjen se unë s'të njoh, nuk e di çfarë halli ke që e urren UÇK-në as nuk të përcjell debatet, por pasi që ty po të thonë jugosllav... unë po të them ty se UÇK nuk ta ka prishur Jugosllavinë ty, ta ka prishur Millosheviçi.

- Ti e di se Vllasi e ndiqte në Fushë-Kosovë Millosheviçin 'aman mos na e prish Jugosllavinë', dhe i njëjti sot është veteran i UÇK-së pa qenë fare në luftë.

- Pra, UÇK është tregimi më i dhimbshëm në historinë e shqiptarëve.

- E përvetësuan ata që nuk luftuan.

E për ata që luftuan kurrë nuk përfundoi lufta.

- E çliruan Kosovën (me ndihmën e NATO-s', kuptohet), por veten nuk arritën ta çlirojnë nga akuza e Lirisë, nga propaganda dhe nga faji i fabrikuar.

- Shqiptarët kanë vendosur të mbrohen duarthatë dhe me armë shkarant të Nanos, sepse s'kanë pasur tjetër zgjedhje. Nuk kanë luftuar për qejf!

A po më kupton!

- Për ta kuptuar se si djeg zjarri, do të duhej të ecje nëpër zjarr, e jo ta mohosh nga kauçi vuajtjen e atij që vendosi ta mbrojë veten.

- Pse po e gëzon Lirinë nëse nuk të pëlqen kjo 'lloj Lirie'.

Mohoje.

Ti po i mohon ushtarët e UÇK-së, jo edhe 'llojin' e Lirisë që e sollën ata.

Krijoje ti një Liri ideale për veten dhe knaqu me të.

S'mundesh, se luftë të ndershme e ideale nuk ka.

- Lufta, në të gjitha rastet, është e tmerrshme dhe e padrejtë!

Sepse nuk është e drejtë t'i mungojë askujt një fije floku.

- UÇK ishte vetë populli shqiptar i Kosovës. Prandaj, ta mohosh UÇK-në e mohon popullin.

- Mua dhe familjes sime na e kanë shpëtuar jetën ushtarët e UÇK-së (që edhe bukë kanë gatuar për neve).

Ne që kemi vuajtur në luftë nuk jemi zemëruar me UÇK-në, por ju që s'keni vuajtur, s'keni qenë në luftë, ju jeni zemëruar për neve.

- Aman.

Pyete veten pse e do Serbinë më shumë se Lirinë!

Pse je kaq i zemëruar me UÇK-në?

- Për mua është në rregull që e do Serbinë më shumë!

- Veç unë nuk të kuptoj ku e ke krenarinë: Albini të ka larguar nga këshilltari ekskluzivisht që e ke fyer UÇK-në, e ti prap vazhdon dhe e lëmon me fjalë Albin Kurtin (anipse Albini e njeh veten për veteran të UÇK-).

- Pse s'të vjen inat që i vardisesh pa pushim.

Unë e 'shaj' Albinin pa pushim, dhe ai asnjëherë mua s'më bën keq.

Sepse ai e di se unë shkruaj nga 'zemra e plastë', pa asnjë prapavijë dhe pa asnjë sherr, si ti!

PS Morning.

We did not know what date it is, what is happening.

Complete terr.

No transistor, no news, only women, girls, old women, sad and hungry children.

- In the morning, the children started to sing 'when the curse has fallen in Kosovo'.

I scolded them: 'Don't listen to me'

- It was June.

The 12th.

We saw the soldiers from the window running towards the old house where we were trapped.

- Freedom came - they told us.

Oh God.

How bruised, bloody but smiling this Liri.

- The soldiers seemed to me as if their heads were touching the sky.

Lively, handsome, unattainable heroes.

........

- When the police shot at us - I forgot everyone, running trying to escape.

- When I saw the woman who was killed by the sniper until she stood up to ask for bread for her crying child - and the letters from NATO to the Serbian forces, the letters that fell on us like rain... where it was written ' we know you are holding the population hostage - back off'....

- .I neither cried nor screamed...my sister covered me with a piece of newspaper and I fell into thoughts.

- After midnight, the house where we hid was fired with bullets.

We were dozens of women and girls in those rooms.

We were scared as much as we could be scared, we looked from the door to see who was approaching, we looked from the window, no one was praying... sometimes under the sound of gunshots that sometimes stopped and sometimes split the sky, like in the sounds of nina-nana, we fell asleep .

- Re-examine once again your hatred for the KLA

I have re-examined your message (which you sent to me several years ago through a mutual journalist friend) 'Tell Kimetes that he writes beautifully, but don't bring up the topic of Serbian spies!'

- One of us became Miss Albania while we were being killed physically and spiritually.

This is life!

Unfair.

So the truth is not as black and white as your mind, Gash.

- The war in Ukraine has been going on for two years. People are being killed.

Someone holds concerts, someone gets married, someone does tourism there.

The West helps Zelensky with weapons, who looks like a showman who sees the war as a movie, where he plays the main role.

- Do you see how children are killed in Gaza?

- Why don't you go help them?

How long do you stay in the studio like a godfather and deal with gossip...

Why is Palestine allowing its children to be killed? Why is it fun to kill the children?!

Or that he cannot protect them.

These questions belong to the Neanderthals, so primitive that they cannot speak.

- I'm sorry.

If the truth was as black and white as you think, there would be no war, we would be happy.

But the war never ends.

(Self-criticism: In hindsight, this would be my last writing!)

lufta gash