FLASH
Shkruar nga Pamfleti
The idea of a soulmate is not new. Since ancient Greece, people have believed that love is no coincidence. Plato imagined that we were once complete beings, with four arms and four legs, until Zeus split us in two. Since then, each half has been wandering in search of the other.
In the Middle Ages, the tales of Lancelot and Guinevere reinforced this idea: one love, great, eternal. Later, Shakespeare spoke of “star-cursed lovers.” Today, romantic movies and dating apps have turned the search for “the one” into a modern algorithmic story.
But is there really only one person destined for each of us?
Social psychology professor Viren Swami says the modern idea of romantic love originated in medieval Europe. According to him, earlier love was looser and not necessarily tied to one person for life.
Over time, especially after industrialization, people felt more disconnected from their communities and began to look for a single person who would “save” them. Today, dating apps have turned this search into a kind of “relationship marketplace,” where people scroll through dozens of profiles until they get bored.
Jason Carroll, a professor of marriage and family studies in the US, makes a clear distinction: according to him, a "soulmate" is something that is simply found. While "the one" is someone who is built over time, through adaptation, forgiveness, and daily work.
Various studies have shown that people who believe that relationships "should be easy" are more likely to doubt each other when conflict arises. While those who believe in growth and work as a couple tend to remain more committed even when there are arguments.
According to Carroll, when love is seen as a written fate, people become less willing to do the invisible work that keeps the relationship alive. As soon as the first problem appears, the thought arises: "Maybe you're not the right one."
Even strong chemistry isn't always a sign of a healthy relationship. Relationship coach Vicki Pavitt says what seems like "luck" could simply be a return to old emotional patterns. According to her, people who are on and off can create emotional dependency, not necessarily lasting love.
A Canadian study from the 1990s found that the strongest emotional bonds were often formed not in consistently abusive relationships, but in those where the partner alternated between loving and abusive behavior. This mix created a strong but unhealthy bond.
Biology also questions the idea of “the one.” Some research suggests that hormonal contraceptives may affect how attraction is experienced. In a study of 365 heterosexual couples, sexual satisfaction was found to be higher when contraceptive status was the same as when the partner was chosen.
Meanwhile, an American economist, Greg Leo, has created an algorithm that simulates matching in a virtual dating “pool.” The result: rarely are two people each other’s first choice, but very often they are second or third choices – and they can still be perfectly happy.
So, the math suggests that there may be more than one "right one."
Another study, with about 5,000 people, showed that what makes people feel appreciated isn't grand proposals or luxurious trips. It's the little things: a cup of tea in the morning, a warm car in the winter, a shared smile at a party.
In the end, science doesn't kill romance. It just shifts the focus. The relationships that seem "written" are often the ones where two people, despite their weaknesses, choose to work together every day.
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