FLASH
Shkruar nga Pamfleti
Rizarta Hoxha, one of the BBV4 residents, revealed her life story on Tuesday evening, revealing that her parents did not love her.
As she explained, she understood that her parents did not know how to parent.
"Everything I do, I do for little Rizarta. She has always been insecure, she has not had a single drop of self-love. I often feel alone... I don't know how to do it differently. I feel unappreciated, inadequate in what I always do. As a child, I always felt abandoned. It is the most terrible thing in the world to feel alone from parental love and for them to be there, unable to give it. If it hadn't been for my sister, I wouldn't have been able to cope with all this abandonment that I had felt. She bought me the mini-prom dress because my dad said 'no', he couldn't take it. I know that I always have her support for anything. I tell her that I love her very much and she is the most important person in my life. The special thing about our relationship is that we love each other so much, but we don't know how to express it. We didn't grow up in a family that talks to our parents every day. I've never received a hug, a motivating word, an 'I love you'. I don't have the freedom to hug my dad whenever I want. Dad is very cold, I've never had help from him. Even when I was little and doing my homework, I didn't have the courage to ask him for help because I knew the answer. It would be critical because he didn't have the nerve to help me. I always thought he didn't love me, as if he had some secret anger or hatred towards me and I suffered a lot from this when I was little. I didn't love myself. There were even days when I would lie in bed and say that I would pretend to be dead, I would pretend that I wasn't and see their reaction. No one reacted. They have this thing that they complain a lot and all the anger, sadness and suffering they've been through, to burden you. And it hurts, it hurts me if I were to burden them. I've never received a 'bravo' or a 'congratulations'. They've always told me that whatever I do, I do it for myself, not for us. I don't know what I need to do to make me proud. Maybe my dad has always, as the pillar of the house, been burdened by these financial problems. There have been times when the amount of shampoo used for my hair has been discussed. Many things that may seem absurd have been discussed, including the idea that I should cut my hair to avoid wasting so much shampoo. My mom always comes and kisses me, but my dad doesn't. I've only hugged my dad once in my life, it was the day I moved to Tirana. I hugged my mom, my sister, and my dad. But only then. I wanted to tell him that I've missed that hug my whole life. I want to tell him the most basic words a child says to a parent. Sometimes they're so foreign that I can't say them. I don't judge them, I don't judge them, and I've even forgiven them. Even though they don't apologize to me, I have forgiven them because that's what they know. That's the way they grew up and they can't change their mentality. I don't have the strength to change them. They didn't do it because they didn't want to, but because they didn't know how to. I think my parents didn't know how to parent. I don't blame them for that.I know they have their suffering and stress since childhood. Dad, I understand why you acted the way you did and I forgive you. I love you very much, I have always wanted to make you proud and reduce as much stress and worries as possible. I feel more liberated, more fearless. - said the resident.
Lini një Përgjigje