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A few decades ago, the term “narcissism” was rarely used outside of a clinical or research context. Today, however, it has become a blanket label for a wide range of unpleasant or irritating behaviors.
Narcissism, the desire to feel special and unique, is a personality trait that exists on a spectrum. Those who are higher on the spectrum are usually selfish and conceited, but this does not necessarily mean that they suffer from Narcissistic Personality Disorder (NPD). There are clear criteria for this diagnosis, such as a constant need for admiration, an inflated sense of self-importance, and a lack of empathy.
Below are some of the most common myths about narcissism:
The most dangerous narcissists are those with a diagnosed disorder.
Mental health professionals use the term for individuals who exhibit above-average narcissistic behaviors, such as low empathy, a strong sense of entitlement, manipulation, deceit, avoidance of responsibility, and a constant search for admiration and status, explains Ramani Durvasula, a clinical psychologist and author. Narcissists become especially dangerous when they exhibit vindictive behavior or exploit the vulnerabilities of others, she says.
All narcissists are the same.
Research has identified several types of narcissists. The overt narcissist is self-confident, dominant, and focused on power and success. The vulnerable narcissist has a constant need for approval and is very sensitive to criticism. The competitive narcissist displays hostility and exploitative tendencies. In practice, individuals often combine several forms of narcissism.
All narcissists lack empathy.
According to Durvasula, narcissists may show empathy when it serves their own interests or to create the impression that they are compassionate people.
Narcissists don't realize they are narcissists.
Studies show that most of them are aware of their negative personality traits. They know they seem arrogant, says Mitja Back, a professor of psychology at the University of Münster, but it usually doesn't bother them.
A narcissist never changes.
Narcissism is not an unchangeable trait. It tends to decline slightly during adulthood, points out Ulrich Orth, a professor of developmental psychology at the University of Bern. Those who truly want to change can seek professional help, although overt and competitive narcissists are often reluctant to do so.
Narcissists did not receive enough love in childhood.
Empirical data often shows the opposite. Parents who treat their children as more special and "deserving" than others are linked to the development of narcissistic traits from an early age, explains Orth.
Narcissists are only interested in themselves.
They may show cooperation and help others, but the difference lies in the motive and method, notes Sara Konrath, director of the empathy and altruism research program at Indiana University.
Narcissists are usually successful.
A moderate dose of narcissism is often associated with self-confidence, determination, and motivation for leadership, qualities that can contribute to professional success, says Zeigler-Hill.
Narcissists always have high self-esteem.
Some narcissists, especially vulnerable ones, have fragile self-esteem and depend on the praise of others. Even those with an inflated self-image have a constant need for validation.
Narcissists don't feel guilt.
According to Durvasula, the feeling of guilt quickly turns into shame and then into shifting responsibility, blaming others for their actions.
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