FLASH
Shkruar nga Edison Ypi
Another commission with four or five of the richest thieves who also own villas and abusive businesses and act like paupers will be entrusted with the most delicate operation.
The candidate for Mayor of Tirana for the Democratic Party will not be a tall, curly-haired, bespectacled, thick-browed, bald-headed guy. The party knows what he will be like. It is preparing him with its own hands.
The commission set up specifically for the construction of the candidate decided that his head would not be made of flesh, bones, or plantain, but only of wood.
The eye sockets, ear holes, nostrils, and forehead wrinkles will be carved in such a way that the appearance of the president's face is something between a pig's snout, a fox's ears, and a monkey's snout. This is to allow the supposed president to use one or the other facial expression as the occasion demands, especially when pushed or spat upon, without blushing or turning yellow, without making any impression.
The candidate's brain will work with batteries whose electricity will be supplied by the Drita e Partisë Hydropower Plant.
Batteries like the ones that power television sets will be inserted inside the head into a cavity with a lid at the base of the ear, behind the neck.
The construction and assembly of the chest cage will be entrusted to the kokboshas of Rrugica e Shpresës. They will bring from the Party's Steel Plant the necessary rods and bolts to compose the president's iron chest, so solid that even if you throw him off the Tujani Stairs, not a single rib will break.
The pulpits of the pulpit will make night and day over the relief sketches of the thickest lips, the carving of the biggest and whitest teeth, and of course the tongue like a steamer with which, in order to eat as healthily as possible, the candidate in question will be able to tear apart whatever his teeth can hold. From pans and baked meats, to car tires.
The Sigurimi officers' cronies will oversee the work of selecting the most suitable variant of the mouth as a resonating box like a drum or a cello. The special dimensions and geometry will enable the mouth to function as a loudspeaker. So powerful, that the lies that the candidate will utter in front of the cameras and the crowds will enter the ears of the rally goers like bullets that explode inside their heads, blowing up the remaining part of their brains from the victorious battles of democratic theft.
Another commission with four or five of the most hardened thieves who also have villas and abusive businesses and act like paupers, will be entrusted with the most delicate operation. The establishment at the Dog School or in Paskuqan of a selective plant of the gravel that the Tirana River brings from the Mountain with Holes, with the aim of selecting, among the rolling stones, 1 single pebble the size of a fist, the coldest, the most heartless, the most ruthless, which will be placed in place of the heart of the next candidate. If the cold and smooth pebble does not turn out to be the right choice, the candidate's heart can also be a piece of Myzeqe mud, cow dung, or calamansi poop. To decide, a draw will be made which type of heart suits the candidate best: a heart of stone, a heart of clay, a heart of dung, or a heart of poop.
So that the candidate for mayor never gets tired, the limbs, legs, hands, joints, wrists, and muscles will be made from scrap metal, cables, sheet metal, shafts, and artillery shells, which will be taken from scrap yards all over Albania.
The collective of employees of the Tractor Plant, those who, with their own efforts and Chinese parts, managed to assemble a tractor, which, after traveling a total of 40 meters on the day of the inauguration, was completely engulfed in plumes of smoke, will make their contribution by designing and building a pair of roller skates so that the future Chairman of the Straw Hats will never walk, but only slide.
The problem of the reproductive organs of the hypothetical winning candidate is a bit difficult, but not impossible.
For the multiplication of the race of thieves and liars, those spheres of the mind of the president that sway like a ram but do not fall, will be filled with an explosive that explodes and is conceived only within the wombs of fools.
The reproductive organ itself will be more or less like a 32-millimeter anti-aircraft cannon shell with gunpowder, cartridge, primer, binoculars, ADZKA, and radar station.
The training for shooting at the enemy's wombs to impregnate them with extreme bestiality will take place in Pish Poro in full accordance with the rich Russian and Chinese experiences that the nostalgic, tired, repeat endlessly in television studios.
The empty shells left from the shots fired by the candidate for mayor will remind me of my time in the army. When the officers would bring me those shells, I would make coffee grinders on a lathe. Then, when I saw the coffee grinders that reminded me of Don Quixote's windmills, I would enjoy laughing at the jokes of God, who, without asking you at all, gives you birth and death in a land of lying fools and thieves where the Party knows everything.
Ky Tomas Edisonua vetem ish sigurimin e kohes se qepes ka ne goje e i bie tamburase dite e nate. Fatkeqesia me e madhe e dhjerokracise ishte se me politike u moren e dolen ne krye kelyshet e te dy kraheve, kodoshet e nazifashisteve e kodoshet e diktatures. Populli Shqiptar si gomar historikisht, ne vend qe te zgjidhje njerezit e ndershem te paperziere me ndonje krah u turr te zgjedhe c'te munde duke kujtuar se do te kete qofte te daja. Ky kodoshua qe me llap tani me kavene ne koke nje kapele tip Enver - Mao Ce Dun e vetem ne nje verre i bie fyellit te vjelle e te vjelle deri ne diten e gropes se varrit.
O sa kam qeshur, Edison na ndriçove shpirtin, ja ke kaluar dhe Mark Tuenit me kete satire!